SNF & Dad

8 posts / 0 new
Last post
SNF & Dad

Step Mom SM, 89 yrs, has been in an SNF since mid-November. Dad, 90 yrs, lives independently & has been at the SNF everyday for breakfast and lunch. SM is sometimes with it, sometimes not.

Dad fainted at the SNF last week. His BP was 75/47. DH and I took Dad to his dr who recommended Dad enter the hospital overnight. Dad refused & DH refused to step in as medical PoA and force the issue. The nurses at the SNF have been concerned about Dad b/c every few steps he needs to stop and catch his wind.

Yesterday DH rec'd a call from the SNF. Dad was trying to get SM to eat when she began shouting, "HELP ME! HELP ME!" It is my understanding Dad grabbed SM by the arm and shook her to try to get her to stop shouting. SNF told Dad to leave. SNF wanted to know if DH & I could get Dad to a hospital for an evaluation.

My question . . . Was it not the duty of the SNF to report this abuse to the state? Should the police have been called at that time & Dad charged with simple abuse? Would calling the police at the time have been a direct avenue to getting Dad into a hospital at least for a psych eval?

Dad does not have me down as an agent on any of his legal forms b/c he was (mis)advised by a lawyer friend to "not favor one child over another" and to assign my husband as the only alternate. In a way my hands are tied as DH thinks Dad is "with it" and will not talk to Dad's dr about what happened. Dad is refusing to go to the dr"s followup appt this Thurs morning where he would get the results of the blood tests run last week when he fell.

Anyone with any ideas?


Being honest, I would have

Being honest, I would have thought that calling the police would have been overreacting. Same with reporting the behavior to the state. Whether it was or wasn't abuse isn't the issue. In the situation the staff is probably familiar with your dad, they know him, and they probably thought they were doing your family a favor by not reporting it. I understand waiting and praying for a catalyst that will enable our family members to get the help they need but maybe if you told the staff to be on the lookout for any odd behavior from your dad you will be alerted to the next incident.


Thanks for listening to my

Thanks for listening to my vent. The staff has been watching my dad to the point the administrator told Dad he cannot come in. They are concerned about how run down Dad is. SM is now alone most of the day & is now blind. She asks where Dad is. DH wants to have a meeting w/administrator with Dad and me present to find out the facts about the reason for banning Dad from the facility.


It seems cruel to me to not

It seems cruel to me to not let your dad visit his wife. I understand that the SNF is just looking to protect themselves should something happen to your dad while he is on the premises.

Does your husband have medical POA over your dad? Is there someway to motivate DH to let some evals be done on your dad?

Also, are you or other family members available to take you dad to see SM? Do you think if you tell the SNF that you will stay with your dad while he visits that they will allowe him to come back?

I'm sorry you are going through this. When my dad was in decline due to vascular dementia, it took awhile to finally get him into a SNF - and even then to find the proper placement. For at least a year after being placed, he was very combative and paranoid.

I guess I can see things from

I guess I can see things from both sides of the fence...they want to "protect" SM against any (what appeared to them to be) forceful behavior. Also, if your Dad put his hands on your SM, they may be concerned about that escalating. Their whole focus is probably on trying to keep the peace, but your SM is losing, in that she has no contact at present with her husband. It's a difficult situation...

I do hope, as I've said before, that you are taking good care of yourself, Colette. You are under tremendous strain. It is easy for us to comment and observe, as we are removed from the situation. I'm praying for the best possible outcome for all of you.


I was in the hospital the

I was in the hospital the weekend of Feb 1 b/c my blood thinners were 2x as high as they should be and causing undesired side effects.

While in the hospital DH said that Dad had been "banned" from the facility by the administrator AD. Dad now says that is not what happened. After being observed w/his head on the dining room table, Dad says the charge nurse & AD said they had been observing him for sometime and SUGGESTED he not come as often. Now Dad is as lonely as heck and goes only once a week.

DH talked to the AD on the phone. The AD stated he had no knowledge of this "ban". DH wants to set up a meeting w/AD that includes DH, Dad, and me. I want my oldest there b/c she is so good at coming to see her grandmother. When she asks a question about Grandma, the nurses turn her away b/c "she is not on the list of people medical info can be given to."

DH has PoA on Dad, and could have used it in the doctor's office when the doctor told Dad to go to the hospital. I would have pushed the issue. DH is more passive than I. DH probably does not want to take what little independence from Dad that he has left.

PoA allows for medical decisions to be made on one's behalf here in TX. It DOES NOT allow the agent to commit one to a behavioral facility. Dad would not willingly agree to see a psychologist.

Back to "banning" Dad . . . I have looked up the TX rights for nursing home residents. A resident has the right to see whomever they wish to see. If someone told Dad to not come back, that person is in violation of TX State Code.

Someone help me with this. . . Doesn't a SNF have to give a 60-day written notice when a resident's cost of R&B is changing? Specifically Medicare & private insurance quit paying at the end of last year. The business office called Dad and requested a personal check for $4000+ for SM's care for January. He did not get notice from Medicare or the SNF that his monetary cost for the SNF would be changing. Suggestions?

Anyhow, I need to head to bed. Need to find out if being off a new med (2 x 2 wks) or 1 month out of 6 is going to ground me from traveling to Israel next month. If the blood thinner is not under control, I will be looking for one of my daughters or my grandson to take my place.




Today the doctor cleared me for takeoff!


To finish this discussion my

To finish this discussion my stepmom died on Feb 20, 2013 & Dad died on March 9, 2013. They were 89 yrs old & 90 yrs old respectively.