For over 4 years I took care of my dad in my home. When he had to go into SNF we all experienced a lot of changes. Financially my dad was my roommate so my 19 year old daughter and I had to move and move fast and I accomplished that. We found a great little place that I really liked. Then I got a job--something I was unable to do while caring for my dad--and I enjoy the work I do and am good at it. But the caring for my dad hasn't stopped. My brother and I work almost full-time on advocating for my dad. Getting him on Medicaid, getting his teeth fixed, taking him to an outpatient clinic for a paracentesis on a regular basis, and the list goes on and on. Recently I've noticed that my capacity to deal with stress has changed. At the first sign of any kind of stress I become very irritable. Then the crying started. I've cried more in the past 2 weeks than I have in the past 2 years. I've lost a substantial amount of weight because I have no appetite and my clothes don't fit anymore. I'm a recovering alcoholic of 16 years so I'm in touch with my sponsor. I'm thinking I should probably call my Dr. but I have a regular check-up with him later this month. I'm on antidepressants as it is, I don't know what more he can do for me. I've always had a rich spiritual life. I'm a practicing Catholic, or rather I was. That's kind of fallen by the wayside. My dad is in such bad health and we've been told that he could pass away at any time. Now as a result of his diseases he's losing his mind. He calls me "Christine" and I don't know who Christine is! My brother took over all of this stuff from me a few months ago when I'd had it. I'd been doing it for years and just couldn't do it anymore so my brother stepped in. Before that he wasn't really involved. And he's doing a good job but I feel like he's on his high horse. He calls me names. From my point of view he's become very judgemental of me, but that could just be me imagining that. But the namecalling is real. I've asked him to please stop calling me names and to please try to be a little less judgemental but I never really got a response from him when I wrote him these things. I get stressed out and he stops talking to me. That's the merry-go-round we're on. He just gives me the silent treatment! I'm at the point now where I just don't give a damn. I did, it really used to upset me but it doesn't now. I don't talk to him unless I have to and that's a shame because we used to be fairly close. I know this can happen in families where there are siblings trying to care for an elderly parent. It's just a shame it's happened to us. Anyway....now I'm turning down work because I feel so depressed. I need the money.
I didn't have anyone to talk to so I decided to come here although it looks like a ghost town around here. I just had to vent, even if it's to no one. I had to get it out.