Hi I'm new to the forum, but not to caregiving. I've been caring for my mom since two years after my dad died in 2000, when she experienced a dropped foot from a botched knee replacement. So it's been--um--12 years now? I'm the youngest of seven siblings, the only one who doesn't have any children, all five of my brothers are married and have children, and my sister is an alcoholic, so it kind of fell to me. It sort of went okay for a while, you know? I have a room that's all my own where I can go if I really need space. Seven years ago we got a little dog, which I NEVER thought we'd do. But lately, we've been sniping at each other like old fish wives--and boy, she knows how to hurt. She truly does. Then I feel guilty, like--my gosh, she's 86, she's had a hard life, give the woman a break, you know? I don't know, my life is shit, and it will be til I die. :*( Thanks, if you read this far. --tootired
Guilty for getting so angry!
Wed, 09/24/2014 - 11:49
#1
Guilty for getting so angry!
Mon, 10/27/2014 - 22:17
#2
After reading your post, I
After reading your post, I have to say . . . I can really REALLY relate to feeling the frustration of caring for someone. My grandma just celebrated her 83rd birthday, and after her strokes, she needed full-time care. So, my mother-in-law and I talked it over and made arrangements for her to live with my husband and I. Although we have had petty disputes, my grandmother and I have been doing the best we can. I think one of the hardest moments of being a caregiver just happened tonight.
With her previous strokes, her right foot became spastic and needs a lift on her right shoe to place proper balance on both of her feet. My frustration is coming from the fact that whenever I try to encourage her to put both of her feet down or I'll have to transport her in a wheelchair, she gets really scared and upset.
I talked with her tonight after that moment, and I realized that although I try my best for her, there will come a time when my treatment will plateau and all I can do is make her comfortable. It's not easy to deal with that, but with forums and support groups, at least I know that I am not alone.
So, in short, living with my 80+ old grandmother has its ups and downs, but I know now that I can do the best I can with the help of others. So please don't feel like you're alone, or guilty, or not up to par. Being the youngest of 4 children (with no children of my own) and taking on the caregiver responsibilities of in-laws is not easy.
So, just take a breath and say prayers, because although we do what we can to make our family members comfortable, there are days when what we do is not enough.
Thank you for reading this response. I hope this helps.