I blew up at my Mom tonight. She naps on/off all day, comes out like everything is fine, then all of a sudden, she's nauseated, not feeling well, swaying on her feet...all because it's time to feed the dogs.
I felt like she uses this "I don't feel good" card all the time to excuse why she can't do this or can't do that. It makes me angry. I went out of my way to create cute 'clip art' picutres on what to feed each dog, when, etc., putting them up where they could be seen very easily. Not only did she not look at them, but then when I asked her to look, she got all 'dithery' which just made me more angry. I behaved like a spoiled rotten kid. I was unreasonable. She didn't meet my expectations and I yelled at her. :( I feel lower than a snake's belly. :(
She says she can feed the dogs, but then asks me what they eat. She says she can cook supper, but then 'gets sick' and says she'll throw up if she has to look at food. It feels like she's just stringing me along. I guess I need her to say she just can't do these things any more and take the reins and do it myself. But she won't say that. I think I'll just take up the reins anyway... The only reason I haven't is because I've been trying to keep her feeling needed, feeling she has responsibility--you know. It's not working any more.
The good thing is she acts like she doesn't remember my temper tantrum but accepts my apology anyway. I love her. It's just so hard to give up my idea of who my Mom was and accept who she's becoming. Any ideas how to take out that anger in a more positive way?
I can sympathize with you. Know their are others out there going through this along side you. However I don't have any answers myself. I am still trying to navigate this too. If I find a site or any info I will let you know. I just found this site myself. Hang in there. Take it one day at a time if that doesn't work an hour and so on. Deep breaths. Try to sneak out for a walk if you can.
Hi there,
I too am looking for some literature or a forum with experienced caregivers. I have been getting "mad", I mean "mad" and we hollar at each other. We've done it a few times. My mom is 82, she's physically well but mentally, that's another story. Depression, anxiety, angry...
I suffer from the same thing so we are really alot alike. Me and my mom have had an exceptional relationship in the past but it is deteriating. I know I can control my feelings, that she doesn't "make me mad" and that is what I am working on. I want to look back on these years and smile because we cleaned her room out together and had some laughs, instead of remembering these years as "hell". Last year was literally "hell". I ended asking her to move out, that we all couldn't take this any more, that our relationship will for sure be ruined to the point of no return.
I desperately want my relationship back with my mom. So here is what I am doing.
I have a list of things I read daily like, I am in control or myself, I do not know for sure what mom is thinking, I shouldn't put feelings on her that may not be there (meaning I think she is mad at me but she is just mad). I try to take into consideration who she is. Confused sometimes, just recently moved in so just lost her home and is still getting rid of stuff because we don't have room for it.
And I pray..... And I read christian Books, two very short books I read recently are: The Promise of Security by Beth Moore; and God will use this for good (surviving the mess of life by Max Lucado. I also listen to Joyce Meyers. She has been through alot throughout her life and God did some work in hers. Alot of work and she talks about her struggles and how God taught her through it, and is still talking her through it in some cases.
Anyway, if I find anything else to read or miraculously find something that will help the three of us, I will send your way
Oh, and I go to counseling. That has been helping. My husband and I both go together. And I plan to start riding bicycles with Mom when she comes back from my Sisters on Saturday. Try to do some fun stuff, get out of the house and get some good endorfines flowing. Good luck my friend
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing right now. I just moved my mom in with me about 4 months ago and it's not getting easier. I'm 53, my mom is 71 (dementia). Even though we're experiencing similar situations it's still hard to know what to say. I've provided a link to a article that I found to be enouraging. Please don't take offense, I'm not trying to "push" anything on you, I'm really just trying to be helpful. I hope you can find some peace of mind during this most difficult time. Sincerely,
Davito
https://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/ws20140315/care-for-the-elderly/#?insight[search_id]=e2c1aeb8-fab0-4e11-8bfa-ccf9bf497b9d&insight[search_result_index]=3
It's hard to manage this situation because of your mother's sudden change of mood. I don't think there is a medicine for that but try to bring her in wellness center or a yoga class. That might help, and you as well go for counseling in managing anger so that there will be a lessen tension in your house .