depression -caregivers

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nem1113@optonli...
depression -caregivers

My husband had cancer. That was a battle for us!!! Now as a result of the cancer he has a feeding tube. I am losing my mind.He is depressed and complains all the time. The Dr. said the tube was temporary but my husband does not believe that. He does nightly feedings and cannot eat alot. He is uncomfortble. He complains and has anxiety. He is not the man I married. Of course, it is difficult and unpleasant. I feel for him. But I get no respite. He complains every day. There is no escape except brief visits with company. Please help.

KarenS
KarenS's picture
I'm so sorry...

I'm so sorry you, and your husband are going through this.  It's hard on him, and I know how hard it is on you...  the healthy one.  My husband has cancer too.  He has been in ICU for 5 weeks now, on PEG feeding tube, Kidney dialysis, had his heart jolted because he kept going into AFib, C. Diff from antibotics for other infections (good caused bad), and all kinds of things.  All of this was not cancer related.  Sad because he was doing so well on chemo even though his had metastasized after 6 years in remission, his nodules had not spread or increased in size.  Stable on the chemo for a year and a half.  What a kick in the pants this was.  It's been touch and go.  He's not out of the woods, he's just holding his own.  No one knows if he'll make it or not.

I lost a fiancé to cancer, so this isn't new to me.  Yet it doesn't get any easier.  As one of the other guys here said, you have to pick your battles and tackle them one by one.  First you must take care of you.  You won't be any good to him, or yourself if you get ill or rundown.  You must eat healthy, get sleep, and find some calm.  Take a walk, go to the bookstore...  anywhere where you don't have to think or do.  It's not easy, harder to take care of you then another. 

Things do change, hopefully for the better.  Have you spoke to his doctor about his anxiety, and if something can be prescribed for it.  Maybe your husband needs a counselor to speak to, if he can't talk with you.  Are there any in your area, groups that may be of help for him or you.  Not sure where you live.  What type of cancer did he have? 

Google his condition, and also google getting off of tube feeding.  There are so many good websites with info.  Here is one I found talking about tube feeding from others:

csn.cancer.org/node/146613

There is another discussion I started on here under "Spouse Caregivers".   I'm at the hospital 12 hours a day, but I try to check here every other day depending on how crazed the day is.  I would like to help, there are several others that have spouses with cancer and going through much.  We have all tried to give support to one another.  It's good for you to feel heard, and to let out your feelings.  Your husband is the one being treated because he's ill...  you are there to support him, but you too need support. 

 

anitaz123
Stay strong

I feel sorry about you and your husband. Try to convince him that these are temporary and soon he can eat by himself.  I can understand your situation. In my opinion, rather than searching for a nanny, It's better to seek the help of  any adult care homes who are providing assisted living care facilities. This will help your husband to reduce his loneliness and anxiety. My father who is suffering from Alzheimer's is in an adult care home in Oregon ( Prestige care). They are providing 24 hours nursing care and he have so many friends there. I know, it's hard to execute this plan, but this will make a lot of improvement in your husband's health. If you are not comfortable with it, then go for a well trained and experienced caregiver. All the best. Stay strong. 

AirborneRon
My 39 year old son suffers from Depression

My son Michael was classified as a "special needs" child. He went through the grade 12 and graduated with a "SOFT" diploma.

After finishing High School, he paticipated in "Project Success" in an attempt to get is High School Diploma so he could continue his education. He worked part-time at a few jobs which really helped with his social skills.

I was a caregiver for my wife. Michael's mother, until she succumbed to Alzheimer's Disease in 2007. Shortly after her death, Michael lost his job assiting a Real Estate Saleperson. He continued on with my encouagement and the help of the Brevard Achievement Center. Last year, he gave up trying to get his GED. And after this he started on his decline. His depression caused him to stop doing all the things he liked doing except playing golf with me. He stopped showering, shaving or even changing his clothes. He stopped going to the swimming pool. and the exercise room. He wanted my immediate and complete attention at all times. He would tell me he was sick and needed my help, constatntly. He would do nothing to take care of himself. We went to doctors for what he believed was a sickness to his stomach. We did all the physical checkups only to discover there was nothing physical wrong. I then made arrangements for him see a Psychiatrist and a Psychologist. He did not respond to their treatments.

I am at a loss for what to do. He is currently in "Circles of Care" at the Holmes Regional Hospital in Melbourne.