About to get my brother who has MR/DD and ADHD...

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LoveMyBubba
About to get my brother who has MR/DD and ADHD...

It was one thing as a kid to be the primary caretaker of my brother because I just had the day to day tasks of on hand dealings. My mom who worked two jobs just told me where to go for his appointments but I took him. When I turned 18, she moved away and left him with me. He was 13 at the time and getting as big as I was. Now he's 27 and 6'3" / 290 lbs and i'm only 5'4".

Regardless, I couldn't handle him anymore as I was working night job trying to go to college during day which ultimately ended up quitting and still haven't returned. I told my mom she had to take him but I see how selfish I was because within 3 months, she pawned him off on her mother who was an alcoholic in the boondocks who ultimately just "caged" him outside during the day. When I learned of this, I called my dad and he fought my mother and her threats (lots of drama involved) and he took custody of my brother.

My father and my brother currently live in a small town in the country and there are very limited resources. My father is simple and doesn't get too involved in many things as it is and with my brother's mentality and adversion to doing anything other than watching TV/Video Games, he is allowing my brother to deteroriate. I took him for a summer 2 years ago and he improved and did many independent functions like laundry, bathing better, etc. 2 years later, he's regressed majorly and my father doesn't want to fight him to get him to follow suit and takes the easy way out.

My husband and I have decided that we need to step into action soon but I've got a child mindset of how things worked when we were younger. I don't know what I HAVE to do first to make this a smooth transition from country of Tennessee to city of Virginia. Do I need to involve the courts if my father agrees? I don't think he's been mentally evaluated for his capabilities since we were kids. Who does that??? I'm so in over my head and random google searches aren't helping me!

ML
ML's picture
Love my Bubba

I just noticed that htis post was in August. I just joined this site. My 90 year old mom has moved in with us and it is harder than I thought it would be. I hope that you have the resources you need by now. But The Department of Disabilites should be your first search. Also ARC, and social services. He should be getting disabilities checks and, if so, he should have a worker. In Oregon there is a system of services set up for caretakers to chose what would work best for the client.

Thank you so much for giving you life to your brother. ML