help

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patvsinsanity
help

I sometimes wish my mom would just pass on. I hate to see this wonderful woman go though back pain and dementia and short term memory from her stroke. Some days I am alright, some I just feel like checking out myself. We live in my home (me 56, daughter 21, mom 86) which used to be mom's home when she was married to my father before the divorce. So she is comfortable here. But we are both students (college on line, me part time, daughter full time) and I work full time at a stressful job. I am also a cycling bi-polar (diagnosed in "88") no meds, lots of counseling in the past and lots of self psycho therpy, psych and sociology classes to handle me and my family unit.Do others feel that hoplelessness that death is better than having a loved one go through this insanity of aging?Sad thing is my mom wants to live forever, even with the pain and memory loss. I will never want to live like that. any input out there?

Sadly, I sometimes wish the

Sadly, I sometimes wish the same thing for my spouse. He has chronic back pain, COPD, heart failure/afib, and just had a third stroke last week. It's a hard thing to not wish an end to their suffering and ours as caregivers when quality of life gets so bad. I used to feel guilty or like a bad person for even having such thoughts, but my therapist says it can be a normal thing when things get like this. I've not done great, but I'm learning to care for me better. It's easy to neglect yourself when you're caring for someone you love, but make sure you care for you as well. Another thing I'd say, and seems to help me, is just take each day as a new day....just do it day by day. I tend to make myself crazy when I think beyond a day. It makes me feel real hopeless. Also, look for any of the joys in life no matter how simple. The only words I can say are the words I've grown not to like, "Hang in there". It's not much, but it's what we do as caregivers.

Caregiving is a hard, it was

Caregiving is a hard, it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It is burden you can never ever put down. It will wear you down to where you just want some rest. There is not a lot to help you other than to say keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will make it through just as others have.

Thank you both for answering

Thank you both for answering me. I try to think that if I'm feeling bad about yesterday and worrying about tomorrow, then I am missing out on today, which "today" you can actually do something about. Thanks again. Pat