Ok this is a long one but I'm at my wits end and feel there's really nothing I can do.
My dad is an Iraq War Vet (OIF) and after returning home was diagnosed a few years later with delayed onset PTSD. Now he's always been super high strung super strict but usually with a conversation you could cool his ego down and have a sensible conversation with him. These days his ego is so fragile and his temperament is often so foul and sour that people don't want to even be around him. I had to move back home in 2011 after a job loss I'm finally getting back in my feet but doubt I could move if I wanted to because now my mother, after a string of bad car accidents, has been diagnosed with PTSD and mild dementia.
This originally caused my dad, who spent a year and half drunk to rise to the occasion and try and assist her. So for awhile me and my dad were helping my mom. Then my mom started having these fugue states and managed to spend something in the neighborhood of $40,000 on stuff she can't remember buying and we can't find anywhere. She frittered away their life savings in essence. She has since lost access to her money and her and my dad have been trying to monitor her, as well my dad quit drinking. As healthy a move as it was for him to do so I think he's lost an outlet because now as an adult I'm having to try and stay out of their fights which are now nearly everyday.
I have plenty of family around me who do next to nothing, except tell my mom to just quit taking her mess and snap out of it, or tell my dad to realize that he's not in Iraq anymore and no ones trying to kill him. I'm one of 3 people who are intimately involved and understanding of my parents medical and mental situations.
Two of them seem to have stopped caring though. My dad is at odds with my mom because she won't clean the house or what he tells her to do because what he tells her to do is what the doctors say to do he thinks he's in the right. Her perspective is that my dad is being an overbearing jerk who pouts when he doesn't get his way and invites him to begin cleaning the house whenever he gets the urge. Which only serves to further frustrate them both. Now my mom is talking about leaving to go liv at her mothers place but my dad is the one who controls the money and is the one responsible for her check she receives from SSDI.
I can't seem to make things work I can't seem to get either of them to back down and I can't seem to get either of them to go and speak to a marriage counselor. Dad says this and mom says that and nothing gets through to anybody. What in Gods name can I do? She thinks her ailment isn't that serious but a nearly wrecked truck says otherwise. I'm honestly thinking that because of his stubbornness and inability to tolerate my mother "rebelling" against him she's gonna end up in a home or something and he's gonna visit her when he's sober or something. Or that he's gonna die of sorosis or something because he doesn't know how to deal with things. She cared for him because she's a nurse and that's what they do. But now that she needs him she fails to realize she needs him and neither one of them want help or want to accept that they need help.
I'm sorry for ranting but what can I do?