Family Caregiver Vs. Nursing Home

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ann41m
Family Caregiver Vs. Nursing Home

I hope someone can give some advise, I don't know what to do. I am a single mother of three and the sole provider of my family. Two live at home and one is married living outside the home. I am currently enrolled in college and attend in the evening after work. My father lived us until a set back form a hernia surgery two years ago. Before the surgery my dad was diagnosed with dementia and had gotten lost twice. He was getting confused when taking his meds which was causing his doctors to constantly re-adjust the medications. While in the hospital for a month, my father started have Parkinson's symptoms. Parkinson's was latter diagnosed. With that said my dad has overcome the surgery and his rehab. I feel he can come home now and be with his family. My kids do not visit except holidays because seeing him in the nursing home makes them cry, which then upsets my dad. Can I bring him home and have my daughter take care of him? She is a registered Nurses Assistant. The nursing home said that the state would pay my daughter to take care of him while I am working and my kids are in school. Does anyone know how this works? Should I bring him home? I do want him with his us, his family. I worry about him falling, getting lost, or mixing up his meds. And what lesson am I teaching my children by not brining my father home. He is not bed ridden, he is capable normal daily living habits at this time except his meds and memory loss. Some days are better than others. Please help.. Its very depressing and draining. I don't know what is the best decision for my father.

Ann41m,

Ann41m,

First what does you daughter think? Caregiving is a tough job and she will have emotional burdens that she does not have at work. The job will end with Grandpa dead or in a nursing home. Also how old are the kids? Teenagers are different than toddlers. As for getting paid talk to your state I believe it is called cash for counseling if you have a caseworker talk to them. What happens if your daughter can't help one day due to an emergency? Can you miss an occasional day or is that risking your job? Who is paying for the nursing home, if it is coming out of private funds would your Dad be willing to pay rent or some other means of offsetting the cost of care?

Lot's of questions I know, but those are some of things you need to look into.

The best decision for your

The best decision for your father is one that you are the most comfortable making, and which you and your daughter and other child at home can handle, and which is going to provide the best care for your father. I took care of my father for many years. He died last week. I have no regrets. I gave up my professional career and almost everything else in my life to focus on his care. I worried about him 24/7. He had some dementia too. Luckily, he would not get lost or wander anywhere, so I didn't have to worry about that.

I could not put my father in a nursing home. He would not have been happy and would have viewed it as a waiting room for death. I wanted to give him as normal a life as he could have, and I kept him as independent as possible because I did everything for him (his meals, medications, all doctors' visits, etc.). I did this because he was a wonderful person and father and I loved him. I knew that a nursing home would only be an option if there was absolutely no way that I could take care of all his needs and if his medical needs required a nursing home.

Your decision is more difficult because you are involving your daughter. Caregiving to an elderly person with dementia is a monumental job. It is not only difficult as a practical matter, but it is emotionally draining. You need to figure out if she can or should handle this at this time in her life.

I don't know about the state paying for your daughter to take care of him. Medicaid pays for various types of home care or nursing home care. You need to check if your father qualifies for Medicaid, and if so, what types of benefits are available.

I'd suggest doing in-home

I'd suggest doing in-home care for your father using this super helpful site called CareLinx. Carelinx is an online community that helps match qualified caregivers with families trying to find care nation wide. They have an easy to use web service, which allows families to interview, hire and pay caregivers that meet their budget and their loved ones needs. This is a great resource if your family member needs care from as little as a couple hours a week to full weekly live in assistance. CareLinx has a full team of staff that is eager to help families navigate finding an experienced and compassionate in-home caregiver. You can view their services here https://carelinx.com/ Hopefully this helps!

I have had the opposite

I have had the opposite experience of Heatherrose.

My dad was dx with Dementia (later Alzheimer's) and Parkinson's in the 90's. The experience has been dreadful from beginning to date. My Mom (83) was (notice I say was) of the same opinion that a LTC facility would not be an option ("over her dead body") She made the choice to say no when a bed was available for several reasons and now we have little chance of placing him in any facility anywhere near the rural area where she resides.

I too have given up almost everything and it may yet cost me my marriage, but what I have become is apthetic. I fight emotions, resentments almost every day. I have often been sleep deprived, isolated (help is hard to come by for many reasons not the least of which is Dad himself). He has become abusive, combative and even physically assaulted my Mom with a cane. (A man who had barely raised his voice to her in 60 yrs of marriage) Mom has suffered more than me. The change has been heartbreaking for her, she cries almost daily and struggles between acceptance and denial and her health has detoriated in the last 2-3 yrs as Dad has decompensated. She has lost her partner and has had to take on duties and responsibilities she never dreamed of.

Just remember the disease IS progressive, the situation will not improve. Even HeatherR describes the task as monumental. That don't touch it in my book. It's like watching a person being hacked like a computer by a theif. All you end up with is the memory of who your loved one used to be and Now you have this other dreadful person inhabiting their body...Detachment skills are absolutely necessary and that is the minimum. Verbal & emotional abuse is guaranteed & even physical abuse is likely. Prepare for the fight of your life and then some.

My father entered a nursing

My father entered a nursing home in April 2013. The nursing home tells us now that we have to sign so that his SS check goes directly to them or Medicaid will stop paying. Can anyone enlighten me on this subject. We have been leaving his check in a checking account for his incidentals and also saving for his funeral expenses. Don't know what to do.

Home care services can

Home care services can provide a great number of benefits. If you are thinking about hiring a home carer to take care of your loved ones in the comfort of your own home, make sure that you are equipped to find the best candidate.
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