Questions regarding concerns

3 posts / 0 new
Last post
Jen_Jen
Questions regarding concerns

Hello, I have some questions I thought I would post here to see if anyone had any suggestions or advice for me and my situation.

First, I'll introduce myself. My name is Jen, and I am an experienced care-giver having worked as a coordinator in an assisted living home, and care-giving for a quadriplegic for a couple of years.

I recently took a leave of absence due to having a baby. During that time, I found out that my birth mother (I was adopted) had a brain tumor pressing on her brain which required surgery to remove it. I usually have contact with my mom at least once a month, and usually more often than that. I hadn't heard from her for over a month, after trying to contact her via phone, facebook and email. It turns out that she had fallen in her home (she lived alone) and was unable to get up to call for help for a couple of days. The neighbor found her. I was shocked to find this out after having to contact the local police to do a welfare check on her.

After months and months of preparing for surgery (she was nearly emaciated, dehydrated and had a severe case of head lice), having the surgery and finally recovering, she was discharged to her daughter. I do not know her very well, but have learned some alarming things about her over the last year. The agreement made by the social worker/case worker at the skilled nursing facility and my mom was that she could not live alone again. Hence, the reason she was released to her daughter. She agreed to assume responsibility for her and become her care-giver.

This is where the situation gets a little concerning, and where my questions start. When I talk to my mom on the phone now, she always asks for help, and to be rescued from her current living conditions. I talk to my half-sister briefly each time I call for mom and ask her how things are going. She always tells me everything is fine. When I talk to my mom, all I hear is screaming kids and barking dogs in the background. My mom tells me that she is being treated terribly. She says she is never allowed to go outside. She says she has to babysit the 3 small children all day while her daughter is at work. (something that should NOT be happening if she is the one who is supposed to be receiving care) She says she wants to get out of there, and asap. She says she would like for me to get her to my house, and figure something out after that has happened.

Now, is this a behavior that is 'normal' after having that kind of surgery? (A little confused at times, disoriented...) or is it really happening? I am reminded that sometimes, the dementia residents at the assisted living facility would call out from their beds as you walked by asking for help. Really, they were scared, and lonely and felt trapped because they weren't able to ambulate by themselves. But, I don't believe my mom sufferes from dementia. There are effects the surgery had on her brain, but I don't think the word dementia was mentioned.

My situation is difficult because I am adopted and legally I have no recourse. I don't know who her social worker is (or if she even has one), and no way to find out. I don't think I should ask her daughter for that information because if she IS being mistreated, I wouldn't want to make it worse for her by telling her daughter I wanted to call the social worker.

So here are some of my questions: Who can I contact to go by the house she is living in to make sure she is being treated well?
Who can I contact to see if her SSI $ is being spent on her, and not being used for other purposes?
How would I start looking for a care facility for her should she come to live with me? (Rather, how would I obtain her medical insurance information, get her SSI $ sent to her directly, and transfer any other benefits she may be receiving?)

I just don't know where to start and feel lost and I have a sense of urgency.

Thank you for listening!

Adopted or not adopted doesn

Adopted or not adopted doesn't matter.You never stated how old your Mother is and if she still is Legally comapetent or incompatent at this time.I will say this,if she adopted you?She's your Mother!Regardless,adopted or not!..Your Mother has options and choices who & where she want's to go.Or with who ever as long as she's compatent.If she's incompatent?Your stuck.
If you feel she isn't being treated well?Does she need a Power of attorney?Or does she have a POA?That's a option your Mother has.Talk to your Mother to ask?She can appoint anyone to be her POA.She needs a living Will if she doesn't have one already.You want your Mother to be happy!.That's your number 1 concern of all.
Call the adult social services in your Area or 211 and report this to them if issues?Ask to have a Wellness check down on her.Report everything to them so they know what they need to do for your Mother.Sounds like your Mother is being abused & used as a baby sitter.This isn't fare or right in any way.Your job is to prevent!.
By doing nothing your adding to the issues.You have your rights to act.The first step is reporting the issues to adult social services.Call the Police to have a Wellness check done on her?To many reports they will act.You can only do what you can do.Your Mother has a voice.If she doesn't speek what's going on.She's not helping her self .Prevent is the ticket.Good luck!

Call social services and/or

Call social services and/or the police immediately. If they go by during the day, while her daughter is at work and your Mom is watching the kids, then it should be a done deal. Take action immediately. It is often better to speak up and have someone get mad at you, then it is to remain silent and live to regret it. We are not talking about a haircut here. Advocate for your Mom. All the best to you.