am I bad?

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Mike1w
am I bad?

I get so lonely, and I kinda have connected online with a female not my spouse. Now I seem stuck. I already told the woman I wouldn't leave my wife, thinking she would go away ( the woman, not my wife ). But she was apparently undeterred. What a mess. I am not sure how to get out of this. Its nice that I get attention, but its not an ideal situation. I hope I can work this out.

 

KarenS
KarenS's picture
Ugh...

Ugh...  Not sure if you actually hooked up with the woman, or are just doing online chatts.  Either way the truth is the best way to go.  It might be best to find someone in the same situation as you're in...  one that is committed to her spouse, and wants company when time allows and both are feeling the need of anothers company.  One that isn't needy, or looking for a long time committment.  Right now you already have a needy wife with whom you want to give your love, but sounds like she can't return it.  Very difficult.  I wish I had a better anwser for you.  I myself have experienced the emptiness one feels when you've already lost a lot of the person you once knew...  and things like intimacy aren't given to you any longer.  So you start to turn yourself off to them in that way...  you no longer look at your spouse with lustful eyes, because there is only disappointment when there is no returned attention. 

I can't remember your wife's illness, or if I even read the details.  Sorry.  I'll have to look back in these posts.  I've read so many.  I guess I'm  probably trying to relate to others.  Is there a caregivers support group meeting in your area?  Online is good if you can't get out, but might be helpful to actually interact with others.  A life coach is very good to get your feelings out too.  Of coarse that would cost money. 

Back to your new lady friend...  I go for telling her the truth. 

Smedley_Butler
You're not bad.  You're human

You're not bad.  You're human.  And you're lonely.  I'm in the boat next to yours.  I'd kill to have a woman want to spend time with me.  I would never persue a relationship...I'm not built that way...but to have a conversation with a woman about something other than cancer, bodily functions, or what I am doing wrong would be sweet solace. 

Hang in there, brother, and do what your heart knows is right.  You can have friends, but you know where the line is and you know not to cross it.  Of course, your line may not be where mine is.  That's a determination you have to make for yourself.  But if this person is pushing you over your line, you have to tell her to knock it off.

KarenS
KarenS's picture
Well put Smedley...

Well put Smedley.  We all seem to be in that boat.  I say show extra kindness, because everyone has a story ♥

KarenS
KarenS's picture
How's everyone doing?

How's everyone doing?  I haven't seen much posting, so I assume everyone has their hands full with caregiving and work.  Hopefully you're all taking some me-time too.