My elderly Mother lives with us. For the most part, it is a blessing having her there--but lately, it has become a real stress on our marriage.
For example, my Mom doesn't think I treat my husband as I should. She is used to traditional gender roles and thinks that my husband should have to do nothing beyond work his job and ocassionally cut the grass. Our marriage works for us and we are both happy, but lately I'm starting to resent him because of her comments. When he makes a comment like "I need to get outside and get the cutters cleaned," Mom will respond with "Oh, so the Master has spoken." Or if he offers to take her places I would be better off not going to (i.e., fast food restaurants, etc.--I a food addict and don't need to be tempted by those things), she will complain about how I make him do "everything."
Additionally, when we punish our daughter for things that would have gotten myself or my siblings a near-death experience as children, she becomes very upset. We're supposed to understand that she's "just a kid" and will be an adult with adult responsibilities all too soon. I understand that, but I'm trying to raise a productive member of society here.
Lately, it's become very hurtful. Prior to my having weight loss surgery she accused me of not wanting to lose weight because I was afraid that I be unfaithful to my husband (though I have never cheated on him or indicated any unhappiness about our marriage or desire to do so). Now that I've had the surgery and have lost weight, she says it will be "miraculous" if our marriage lasts.
I by no means believe that I am the perfect spouse, but our marriage is a solid and happy one. However these constant digs are starting to bother me, especially the one about infidelity because I have no understanding of why she would accuse me of that. And to make matters worse, she has begun calling me by my Dad's name anytime I do anything remotely like him, which I loathe.
I love my Mom dearly and enjoy having her live with us, but her barbs are becoming a poison to our otherwise mostly happy home. Her moving out is not a question, she could not afford it and we certainly couldn't pay for her care. Any suggestions?