My wife has a bunch of immune system disorders, such as osteo and rheumatoid arthritis, Primary Biliary cirrhosis, degenerative disc, etc. And she is on 60 mg of Oxy 3 x a day with Dilaudid 4 x a day to attempt to control her pain.
And yes, she drinks. Champagne and I've addressed this several times, but with no positive results, just effectively a "I will do as I please" response. No win...no help.
And, while I was away this past weekend she had a flareup. I know that in part may have fueled her anger, since it was not just business, but some fun as well for me. It was a promise to myself for my 60th birthday and she was OK with it when I booked it a couple months ago.
AND yes, I repeatedly told her she could come along and I'd change where I was staying to accommodate her. But she kept refusing, up to the last minute practically.
So I get home on Tuesday AM and don't go into work. Sleep and spend time with her, cuddling on the couch, holding her in bed, etc.. Brought her home a couple things as well, things that would indicate I had listened to her when we talked while I was away.
I had to work today (Wednesday) and had to catch up on stuff as well. Normally I can leave around 2:00 but I didn't leave until 3:45.
Her text messages during the day started out very loving and I replied in kind.
As I was about to head home she texted about going out to a restaurant, me bringing home and preparing dinner, but she preferred going out. I said going out was OK and that was the plan.
THEN, as we were getting into the car, I pointed out that she'd pulled in too far. And that's when the fan started to get hit. She complained about my parking too close to the wall and that she told me several times. That I was being petty and mean and like her ex-husband. (Yeah, I got called that a lot tonight even though we're nothing alike.)
I was caught out of the blue by her very vicious and hateful words. I don't know how long it was boiling up in her, but this afternoon was apparently the time it decided to blow over and vent all over me.
I've run through all sorts of things in my head and I think it comes to her being afraid of her future and driving me away is somehow going to make it easier
Yet here I am. No response I make defuses the situation. Apologized. Nope. Got worse. "If you want to leave, there's the door" and worse.
Repeatedly coming out and just ripping into me again with things that are patently false. A couple times I tried to engage, but that just fueled the attack.
I know I've gone on long. I appreciate that you might have gotten this far into my "emo-dump."
(I even wrote up my feelings and notes and observations and didn't want to paste it here, since it would be too long. And that it might help me to figure things out.)
So here I am.
I've decided that for my own mental health I need to see a counselor to help me deal with this. Normally I can stand strong, but she's been extremely vicious and hurtful.
I'm at a loss. I am not quite frozen in place, but I am working to be invisible right now. And keeping the tears at bay for now. Crying can come later when I have some privacy since I know she'd use it hurt me further. And besides, in my generation, guys rarely cried except for when their dog dies.
Thanks for reading. I know I'm not alone, but right now I needed some place to emo-dump. And I know some of you probably can relate.