Hi,
I'm glad i found this forum. Our life was very good, we just got engaged and got our new place, until 3 days before Christmas in 2013 when he got hit by a car and our life went to hell forever. He almost died. His injury was brutal. The doctor asked me to remove life support, obviously I said no. Although he has progress a lot ( he can eat and talk, he doesnt have tubes or anything anymore), he was in therapy and then he was discharge to a nursing home. Worst place in the world. I fight so hard for him and took him home with me. That was 15 months ago. I been his sole caregiver since then, although before I was always on charge of the paperwork, etc. His family sucks. His mother doesnt help at all , she is like another child so I dont like to have her around, his sister lives in France and she barely contact us. His half brothers didnt even visit him. We live in Canada, I moved here by myself 6 years ago looking for a better future, and right now I'm stuck in a shitty situation, because I dont even get benefits from the government but I have to figure out every month how to cover all the expenses, food, etc ( he gets a little help from the government but obviously its not enough). I have 2 careers and I'm still work from home, but its getting harder and harder to keep motivated, and sadly I'm very angry with him and I been drinking this last couple months, still I do what I have to do, I take him to therapy ( well im his physical therapist anyways), I cook, clean, do all his bathing and bathroom stuff, paperwork, doctors, lawyers, like EVERYTHING. He is a sweatheart and we have a lot of affection, but I'm young and i miss having passion, a regular sex life, getting flowers and all that stuff, he was so perfect and I cannot leave him, but the situation is getting harder and harder and the truth I'm not being as good anymore cause I'm like one step closer to burnout. I know people recommend therapy and all that, I tried some but was such a waste of time, basically me bitching to a lady that obviously could care less about my problems and even to do that I HAVE TO plan everything, who will come to watch him while I go, etc, besides its not free. At some point even consider having a open relationship and talk with him, he agreed but reality is that I dont even think I can do it. I feel like im stuck in my memories. During the day I'm fine but in the nightime I just wanna sit and have a drink, and cry thinking about how good was my life 2 years ago. This is not a healthy way to live life and I know, but I cannot let him go and die slowly in a dirty nursing home, but on th other hand im so frustrated.
Thanks for reading, I usually dont vent ( I ride my bicycle, that helps me a lot), but sadly before the accident, I have my own issues that got better when i was with him, but lately my eating disorders are back and also my drinking. Its so hard to deal with everything all by myself, and right now on top of everything I have to fix my visa paperwork, its just like the problems never seen to end.
Sometimes I wish this was a nightmare and I can wake up and everything will be fine again.