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Tired Daughter
Tired Daughter's picture
Hello

Hi I am new here and am looking for an online support group because I can't get out of my house to attend a local one.

I am 50 years old and caregiver for my 88 year old mother with dementia.  I have had her living in my home for close to 3 years and was part time (weekend) caregiver for her for several years before that.

I am getting so burnt out that I am not sure how much longer I will be able to continue to do this.  I am depressed, I can't sleep sound EVER, and my emotions are so fragile - I am quick to tear.

I have 6 sisters - but like most of us, they don't help me and Mom.  They've all pretty much turned their backs on her - saying that our mother left years ago and they have already mourned her.  I of course always respond by telling them that our mother has not gone anywhere, she is in my house waiting for them to come see her.

I am the youngest in the family - I was a "mid-life accident" after my parents had already decided that 7 children were enough.  My family made sure that I knew this growing up.

I moved here from out of state 10 years ago because I knew my parents would need me and that my sisters would not be mature enough to set their own desires aside and give them the help they needed. 

I am self employed, so relocating back to NY meant having to start from scratch re-building a new business and a way to pay my bills.  It has been a struggle for me since day 1.  NY is way more expensive that MA (where I lived my entire adult life) so I need to make more here than I needed to make there.  Growing a business has been difficult because before Dad passed and I moved Mom into my home - I was constantly running back and forth from my house to their senior living apartment. 

But if I thought that was hard - I was in for a rude awakening when Dad passed and Mom's dementia kicked into over drive.  Since moving her into my home I have had no time for my own life.  Honestly I can barely remember my own life - and am starting to feel like I don't even know what that means anymore and I won't' know how to have a life when this chapter ends.

I did just recenlty get my sister with financial POA (YEAH I have Mom and she has the money) to release some funds so I can start bringing in a little help.

Before all of this, I thought that I loved my family - I thought my sisters were good people.  Through all of this I am learning that with them it is all surpface and public image with nothing inside.  I do not have ANY good people in my life.  I have been betrayed by everyone in my life within the past few years - one by one.

The lesson I am going to take away from this is when Mom no longer needs me and I leave NY again - I am going to surround myself with a better class of people than those who were in my life before.

I guess because I have been an independant person and never needed anyone, I didn't realize that if the day came that I DID NEED them - they would not be there for me .  Now I know.

MrAdams111
MrAdams111's picture
You need to find a lawyer

You need to find a lawyer that deals with eldercare issues and POA and find out if you can legally wrest the POA back to you! You are the one doing all the heavy lifting and NEED THE SUPPORT! You might even find a good family lawyer with a radio show in your area or on the internet. Usually lawyers will answer legal questions cheap, sometimes for free if you end up hiring them to help you and your mom.

https://www.facebook.com/adamjeffrey111