Feel like I'm having a breakdown!

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kandisdaughter
Feel like I'm having a breakdown!

I just really need to vent! I have been caring for my 78 year old mom since 2001, she has had two strokes and more than a dozen TIA's. In Dec. 2015 she fell backward while entering our front door and hit her head on the concrete she suffered a traumatic brain injury. The Dr said that she wouldn't wake up but 4 days later she woke up. She is a fighter and never gives up, she has been to rehab countless tires, I lose a little bit more of her each time. I am grateful for her recovery every time.

People tell me what a good daughter I am, how proud my mom is of me and how strong I am considering that I have a brother who "can't bare to see my mom not her regular self" and don't drive. I have had to quit my regular job and have become my moms in home service provider because she can't be left a!one and requires constant care. My mom has been to the ER three times since September with 2 TIA's and complications of COPD. 

I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown, I cry all the time have started eating constantly and have been feeling so angry, I don't know what to do. I started reading the posts on this site and it let's me know that I'm not really as alone as I feel and that my moms situation could be so much worse. I hate feeling comforted by other peoples misery and feelings of despair, but it feels like that's all I've got. I hope that others will read my post and find comfort in knowing that they are not alone and that others feel the same way they do. Reading and posting relieves some of the pressure I feel building up, I think that it will have to be enough for now. I feel better than I did a couple of minutes ago.

 

sarasmile
I know EXACTLY what you're

I know EXACTLY what you're going through.  My situation is a bit different...but my feelings of frustration and I feel like I'm losing my mind are just the same though.  I've been caring for my ex-husband for 6 years now...on a live in basis.  He has an advanced form of MS and is not able to do anything by himself and cannot be left alone.  He can barely function on a cognitive level either.  I do get some help from his mom and dad...but I just feel like walking away most days.  I have MS as well (but I don't have many symptoms) and I'm bipolar and am clinically depressed before all this happened.  But I know what you're going through.  Maybe by joining this group we will both benefit.  It helps to vent...especially to people who can relate.  My computer is always open if you would like to vent some more....

kandisdaughter
Checking in

Thank you sarasmile for letting me know that I'm not alone, like you I'm having my own medical issues that always come second to my mom's issues. I don't tell her what's going on with me and mentally she doesn't notice, sometimes that really pisses me off but mostly I just tell myself that it's not her fault and that it's better for her not to know. I am moody and sad and scared. I have to tell myself to take a deep breathe and take things one minute at a time. I hope that you are well and like you my computer is open for venting.

Dimeolas
*hugs*

I know how you feel. This is a big world and with so many people it seems like you're alone and nobody cares. Everyone seems to have their own concerns and their own fights. I find it so frustrating to not be able to fix things for the two people who have raised me. You see tragedy and pain and it tears your heart. You would do anything, whatever it takes to make things right and to ensure that Mom is safe and comfortable. I think that the kind of loving and compassionate person you are means that you are doing what you know is right and couldnt do anything other than this. Call it right, call it compassion, call it honor, call it love. It's all of these things and at times its so hard you feel like its tearing you apart and you cant make it. But you just have to. And that space between the two is where you are. I really am sorry that I dont have any easy answers for you. I dont even have answers for my own situation. Its a process that needs to play itself through and you have to find the strength to do what you know you must. You are stronger than you realise. You've made it this far. 

 I'm curious and have a few suggestions. And there is much that I dont know about so you may do some digging. Is there anyone at Church either Mom's or yours that could come help. Even if they would come watch her or play cards with her one afternoon a week and give you some time to get away. No shame in that, just go for a walk, to the botanical gardens, to the mall, get your hair done, buy a new dress. Just let it all go for a few hours. If they have a program where they could help care for her would be great. Are there any social services there where you could get SS or medicare or something to pay for someone to help with her care. Are there any groups where you live like this board who are caregivers who support each other? maybe talk to her doctor or contact a local rehab or nursing home and see if there are any groups. maybe just having someone who is caring also for a loved one, someone to talk to would help. 

Personally, i'm waiting for my breakdown. The crazy stuff here slowly unfolds and honestly I dont know if we will all have a place to live or whats going to happen. Dad is a bit unstable, Just trying to start working again and make sure dad doesnt destroy their finances. Well, today has been the first day in a week that hasnt seen crisis. I know that in some form I will survive. You will survive. Its not trivial to tell you that you are doing the right thing. I never knew before I moved home how much things had deteriorated here. No matter what i'm glad I was here to help them and altho it may break me I know that I am meant to be here at the ends of their lives. Life is just life and some of it is pretty painfull. How we live in those times defines us. You are defining yourself as honorable, loving and compassionate. Please hang in there, show your Mom all the love you can. Know that she loves you and that she has you in this her time of greatest need. Even tho this world may not cheer what youre doing I appreciate it. There are so many heros just like you that dont get medals and awards. But know that your name is written in Heaven and what you do does not go unseen. You and your Mom will be in my prayers and i will pray that God will ease both your burdens and comfort you. *hugs*

 

Dimeolas
Gee

Good luck everyone im out, no one moderates here and this spam crapmseems rampant. 

Kae
SO ALONE SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!

My mom is 76 years old hit her arm on her chair and she kept having pain and swelling in her arm so she went to the er & thry x-rayed it and it was broken they also found a spot on it so they did a mri on her that showed that she had other spots on different locations they said it's multiple myeloma this happened back in 12/2017 not even a whole month after my 27 yr old cousin passed after having brain surgery.we were really griefing then this happend I moved my mom in with me & my husband / oldest son I'm an only child and I love my mom more than words. I have a cousin that stayed around the corner from my mom she use to take my mom to her dr appointments but she would'nt hardley come over to see about her even though she says my mom is like a mom to her which is true ( my mom helped to raise her ) she barley would call to check up on my mom also has a sister that lived around the corner from my mom she wasn't really around my moms twin sister doesn't want my mom to stay with her because my mom's memory is getting worse I suffer from anxiety I don't have any support  we live only 15min away from where my mom use to live my cousin said that she's not gonna take my mom to her appointments anymore or come over to see her that broke my moms heart I don't like to see my mom cry. I pray each and everyday to God for help,support I get so full somtimes that I just cry I feel so lost alone but I tell myself that God loves me and that I'm not alone he is with me sometimes it feels like Im losing it between my mom repeating the same things more often and forgetting things like taking her everyday meds and trying to make sure she eats enough and drink her protien drinks to making appointments and showing her to work the remotes/how to hang up the phone to unpacking her belongs and finding places to put them I don't really have anyone to talk to before I found this site I looked up symptoms of a nerveous breakdown because sometimes I just feel like I'm about to have one I've even thought ( wrong things ) like just giving up but I won't I then turn to God for help I have to keep fighting and do the best I can. It's just that I'm not use to my mom going through these changes she's always been so strong for everyone I guess we'll have to adjust I want to scream sometimes and not stop!!