I married my wife Lee on January 3, 1970 and we began what has now become a great 45+ year marriage. Each of our parents also became friends over the years as they lived in the same town and shared the same grandkids. While their husbands were alive the families went out to dinner together and the mom's played bingo with the great grandma.
So in the year 2000 when Lee and I moved to Florida both of the moms were widows and living alone. Lee's mom was in a condo in Brownsburg IN and my mom was is a small garden home in Northport AL. Both of these ladies needed support and a place where they could receive care and love. So at their request we moved them into our home in Fernandina Beach, FL. We purchased a four bedroom home that gave each of them a private room and bath. The house was over 2200 square feet so we had plenty of living space that gave all of us a bit of privacy when we needed it and companionship when we needed.
Lee and I thought this was a great plan. Lee's mom was a terminal cleaner. She spent endless hours dusting, cleaning and even scouring her light bulbs. My mom on the other hand was a great southern cook. Her banana pudding is the standard by which all other banana puddings are judged. We truly expected to come home every day from work with an immaculately clean house and a great meal on the table. Boy were we wrong. This was a very noble experiment but it failed miserably. In hind sight the wife's mom was northern, urban and Catholic and my mom was Southern, rural and Baptist it soon became WWIII in our home. They lived in our home for seven years.
Lee's mom, Miss Frances, was born in the "Region" around Chicago and was raised Catholic. She had one sister Miss Dorothy. They married college roommates, Max France's husband was a Civil Engineer and they moved a lot during their marriage. They had two children Lee and her sister Anne. They moved a lot due to Max's jobs. They were from PA-MI-TN-IN. Frances worked retail for most of her days. She was in the Lady's Department at Sears when I met Lee. Max her husband died in 1980.
My mom, Miss Opal, was born in the country of Bibb County Alabama, she was one of 10 kids and the family were share croppers. Her family were "Hard Shell Baptists" a very strict and legalistic religion. She married my dad just after WWII when he returned as was training at Bryce Hospital in Tuscaloosa AL, where mom and her sister were working. Dad started out working in the coal mines near Marvel, AL. When the mines "played out" he left for Detroit to become an apprentice to his older brother Johnnie. On the way he contracted pneumonia in Evansville, IN and got a job and stayed. The family lived in Evansville until my parents retired and moved back to Alabama. My dad, Dan, died in 1997.
There was so much estrogen in that house you could cut it with a knife. Each of the ladies had been on their own and independent for years and moving back into a controlled environment where they weren't in charge was traumatic. This added to the fact that they were both hard of hearing and one would say something and the other wouldn't understand and then get angry because of what they thought they heard. It was particularly hard on Lee as she had to retire early from her nursing career to help maintain order in the home. Her mom became extremely critical of Lee and of anything she might do or say. She had installed all of Lee's buttons and would push them periodically to see if they stilled worked. My mom would hold all the turmoil in until it boiled over and she would react and most times react poorly. Since I was a full time minister I at least had some respite while at work. But always dreaded going home to WWIII.
This was the beginning of our care giving experience. Both moms have passed and yet the memories, good and bad, still shape our day-to-day lives. The experiences have made us more aware of the plight of the caregiver and their families. The experiences have help create the ministry we are now involved in for providing care to the caregiver and encouraging churches to create a ministry to the caregivers in their congregation and community.