Feeling Sad

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Rosel
Feeling Sad

My 82 year old mother has suffered 2 strokes, TIAs, and has fallen.  Her last fall back in May, she broke her arm.  It is the left arm which was affected by the stroke.  She is in a wheel chair, because the doctor did not want her using a walker because it might hinder the healing of her arm.  The bone is not healing,  

My mother has been in a nursing home since June, 2016.  I fall apart when she talks about going home.  I feel like the worst daughter.  Lately, as the idea sets in that she could not function alone in her home, I feel depressed and cry suddenly.  Everyday I shed tears and all the while scolding myself for placing her there.  I am the only daughter and I have 3 brothers.  While they are somewhat supportive, I don't believe they realize what it does to me.  I take her out for a drive, I take her to doctor appts, and lunch.  If I could go and visit her everyday I would, but I live 45 minutes away and in a different town.  I try to go every 2-3 days, and either Saturday or Sunday.  I am looking for a support group, because I don't know how I can go on without being sad and depressed everyday. 

 

memyselfandi
I hear you..same place

So sorry to hear about your mom.

My dad has been in a nursing facility for two years in February.

Suffering from a bad stroke that he recovered well from; and then a severe fall where he hit his head on the top of the toilet, causing him to have a subdural hematoma; things went well for a bit as he recovered well from that also.

My dad is a survivor and he pretty much had to learn things all over again after the hematoma, but he did it.

Now that things are starting to catch up with him, he has severe memory loss and rarely talks much. There are some days when I go to see him that I'm not sure if he knows me or not. His health is declining rapidly and he was hospitalized with aspirational pneumonia and sepsis a month ago, along with just recently being released after spending three days in the hospital with dehydration.

While in the hospital, they found that he's anemic, which brought up the concern of colon cancer; and they wanted to do a colonoscopy. This would have required him to drink a gallon of fluid 24 hours before the test (which was just out of the question at the age of 88 and already having issues with his swallowing) They suggested putting a tube down his nose and giving him the fluids that way, but again, that was just plain out of the question as he would have surely pulled it out.

I called his regular provider for advice and he told me that at his age, a colonoscopy was just out of the question. Even IF they did this simple procedure, his fear was that while removing any polyps they found, it could be very easy to cut into the thinning walls of his colon and do more damage than good.

While he was in the hospital, I pretty much stayed with him day and night, as I'm not just his caretaker, but his daughter..along with a "Daddy's girl". Several time when nursing staff needed blood, putting IVs in, etc., I was able to be there to calm him down.

As Dad was there for me, I'm here for him and an extremely proactive in his healthcare. I take him to medical appointments, and am his eyes and ears even at the nursing facility; making sure that he gets the best care possible. He has the biggest room in the place and since he and my mom saved all their lives, he was able to pay out of pocket for the last two years.

My husband and I bought his home which gave him additional time to pay out of pocket, yet he's now spent down and soon will be on Medicaid.

I've become very depressed and there are some days I don't even want to get out of bed; watching random shows on tv just to take my mind off from my caretaking. Visiting him some days takes the entire wind out of me as I see him decline. He sleeps all the time and when I try to wake him up, his reply most of the time is, "Leave me alone and go home".

Breaks my heart.

He has his good days and bad, yet as I watch the caretakers spoon feed him during meals, it's really hard to forget the strong man he used to be.

The last time they took him to the hospital, the CNA that normally takes care of him told me that he was completely gray. As she shook him, he started to breath irregularly and then in very small breaths, telling her that he was very close to death.

As I rushed to the ER, I found him awake and alert, yet his blood pressure was very low. I cried my eyes out and he looked at me and said, "Don't cry honey.." and then started to sing one of my favorite songs he always sang to me.

One more gift from God..he was going to make it this time again.

I keep talking to God and telling him to give me some sort of sign as to when he's going to take Dad, so I can be prepared as my sister lives out of state, my husband travels a lot..and most of the time I'm here all alone to deal with this.

I realize that nobody can ever prepare for losing a loved one, and thus, besides caring for him whenever I can..I worry a lot.

Although my worries are a bit different than yours, I can't help but feel depressed, sad, and worried on a daily basis and a looking for a support group to possibly help me through.

Subu2
Subu2's picture
Feeling Sad

i understand your constant endless grief and I really appreciate you sharing. I know that I am not alone and I am keep on keeping on because you reached out.