feeling mentally and physically drained

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tammy jones
feeling mentally and physically drained

I am taking care of my bedridden brother. I volunteered to do this because me and him has always been close and I couldn't bare to see him in the nursing home any longer. Jimmy can talk as long as his trache is covered. I have to do almost everything for him.I love him to death but sometimes it is just over whelming. Seems like sometimes he is just being difficult. He had several strokes, one nurse said she is thinking maybe about 40 - 50 of them. I know he has brain damage but jimmy does realize what he is doing when he acts out. I'm tired and I need to manage my emotions. I cry a lot, I feel lonely a lot. I would really like a chat room to where I can talk about this. What can I do to help. Thanks

KarenS's picture
You need help too...

I'm not sure I'm the right person to answer, as I too feel down from my own feelings.  Caregiving, or living with someone who is ill can be draining both physically and emotionally.  I can say what I've heard...  find time for yourself by getting someone in with him while you can play (get out of the house, to a movie, bookstore, walk, a hobby, etc).  Do something for you.  Learn to say no to any others (meaning don't stretch yourself thin).  Take care of your needs (dentist, doctor, etc). 

Some ill people can treat caregivers poorly...  like a whipping post.  Talk badly to them, or may be arguementative.  Or they may ignore you as if you aren't even talking, or your feelings don't exist.  If you're crying a lot, you may need more help....  talk to your physician.  If you can manage to get out to one, find a support group meeting you can go to.  Talk with a life coach, or psychologist...  Having someone qualified to talk with would be a benefit.


Hangin In
mentally and physically drained

I feel the same way, that is tired out and drained.  For awhile I had some things I did, like sewing, knitting, reading,but sometimes those activities take more energy than I have.  I do go to counseling and I'm on antidepressants.  What is contributing to my feelings right now is that our adult develpmentally disabled and Bipolar daughter lives with us.  We have been seeking a group home placement for her (she is agreeable) but the process is lengthy and frustrating.  I feel like I am forever walking up hill.  Frankly, one of the most helpful things I'm finding on here is that I am not alone.  I don't really need anyone to tell me what to do or fix this.....just to validate my feelings.

Totally understand

I have found myself in a similar situation. Since June 2015, I have become the full time caregiver to my mother. She has been in a wheelchair for several years but until last winter she was able to transfer herself to her chair or bed. Now she can't stand or walk, we have to use a hoyer lift to move her. She also has a trach but uses a speaking valve to talk. Plus she is on a ventilator at night. All diring the summer, my teenage daughter and i took care of her and now my daughter helps when she can but she is busy with school too. We have moved in to my mothers house, leaving my house and husband to "fend for himself ". I have been accused of yelling at my mother when i try to get her to complete therapy or try to get her to follow drs orders or anything else my mother doesn't want to hear. I feel lost like I'm losing my mind half the time.

Sorry for you. I can

Sorry for you. I can understand how you feel. Be engaged always and don't think too much. Activities like yoga, running etc can reduce your anxiety ( http://www.physiomed.ca/blog/general-tips/fight-anxiety-depression-activity/ ). So try to do such things. Seek professional help if it doesn't work. God bless!

Anceirs's picture
Oh. You sound really tired

Oh. You sound really tired and depressed. You are indeed a good soul. God bless. I would definitely pray for your brother's speedy recovery. Don't lose hope.

Rachelle11's picture
Intresting Topic

If constant stress has you feeling disillusioned, helpless, and completely exhausted, you may be suffering from burnout. When you’re burned out from stress, problems seem insurmountable, everything looks bleak, and it’s difficult to muster up the energy to care—let alone do something about your situation.

staceydonnar's picture
I think its a serious issue,

I think its a serious issue, i totally agree with orna that you should consult a doctor.

Khampelf's picture
Oh, hey. Traffic.


Hello, Rachelle, Hello Stacy. 


I'm glad to see you here on the board.  I take care of a gentleman with advanced Parkinson's. 

I've been depressed lately, but the psych meds help. 


Anyone burning out should definitely consult a doctor.  I'm getting there, but the old man is talking about moving into a care facility.


So, are you ladies caregivers?

Khampelf's picture


Thanks, Michael. 


We're having a awful morning, and a nurse is due soon to see what level of care he needs at the care facility he wants to move to. 

He's been face down and showing no interest in anything. He hasn't had solid food since Tuesday. He simply can't or won't get off the floor, and it's where he wants to be. When the caregiver was here, we got him into bed, but he crawled right back out.  

Here's hoping yours goes much better than ours. 

Sister with MS

Hi. I'm new here I signed up to get help from people like me. My sister has MS and it is very unpredictable. She has become very stressed and negative recently. It has been few years that MS took one of her eyes. She dosen't like anybody to give her advice about her disease and she dosen't want to go to therapy or get anti-stress pills. She is usually in pain and take different pills for that. I am extremely worried that this might not end well for her. She lives with my parents. I feel very guilty about my situation because I know she can't study, work, and live like me. She dosen't have the opportunities that I have. She is still young and I feel finding a caring friend or partner is very difficult for her. With every success that I have, I just feel more guilty to the point that I feel if I just stop following my dreams, I may not suffer anymore. It has been almost a year that I have no motivation when I work and feel I have to quit everything to be with her and she dosen't compare herself with me. Please help me

boxcar1234's picture
Exhausted & Broke

Hi, I'm new here. Perhaps someone could give me a bit of advice. I'm 57 & for the last 10+ years have taken on more & more responsibility as far as caring for both my parents. They come first, but the reality is I've lost tons of money that we need to survive as a family. I've been self employed so every Dr appointment or other needs that they've had, always hurts financially. As i said, they always have come first but we're really having a hard time paying the bills. Other siblings help a bit but not nearly enough! Sadly, mom 91 year old mom passed away about 4 1/2 months ago. It's been very difficult. I'm a true mamma's boy. My parents were married over 60 years. They were madly in love, even after all of those years. My father, 85, is devastated & doesn't want to live. I've taken on responsibilty for him now & recently had a MILD heart attack and has a small squamous cell cancer on his ear. He is an atheist (I am not) and has no hope..... for anything. Besides being financially difficult, i am mentally drained just about everyday as all he does is blame everyone for her death. (She had a bad heart, but he's a very critical man & feels it's someones fault for not saving her) He constantly relieves her last day, hours and minutes including her last breath. This is excruciating but i suppose i tolerate it as i love him & he needs someone to talk to. Help! I need advice. I REALLY need to get a "regular job" now as 30+ years of self employment is no longer possible. Thanks!

sympathize with u

i am so sorry.  as usual in many families. one child is saddled with the whole burden and the other siblings merely coast around the edges or not at all.  u owe it to urself to have a good life and also take care of urself financially.  do u live in the u.s.?  if yes, then is ur dad on medicare and medicaid?  if he qualifies for medicaid then try to put him in a medicaid qualified nursing facility.  u need to take care of urself and put urself first.  then u will have more time and energy to look for a job and save for ur future.  u will be able to being him home to visit.  i dont understand how some parents expect their children to sacrifice their whole lives taking care of them.  it is sad and unfair.  u owe urself to be happy and secure.  i know u r a very good son.  and u still will be after u do this.  Bless you.

Caregiver stress

While caregiving for a loved one can offer some personal satisfaction, the caregiver faces a lack of privacy, difficulty in maintaining personal interests, and a lack of opportuntity to engage in social activities outside of caregiving duties.  (Reference: Rote, S., Angel, J., & Markides, K. (2015). Health of Elderly Mexican American Adults and Family Caregiver Distress. Research on Aging, 37(3), 306-331.).  So if you are feeling frustrated, you're not alone.

depressed and feeling guilty

Hi, Im new on the forum.I care for my mother through an agency that pays me. I also live with her. Im paid for 25 hrs. a week, but im here all the time because my sister who lives upstairs thinks my mother should not be alone. my mom has alot of health issues. COPD, high blood pressure. congestive heart failure. she is on oxygen 24/7. i started caring for her in march of this year. i love my mom with all my heart and soul. But I feel like I have no life. I try to take turns with my sister for days when i can leave the house, Its always in the evening when she gets home from work,usually friday is my day to get out, saturday is hers,and during the week i usually get away 1 or 2 times. but it usually turns into a disagreement. my sister is constantly trying to tell me how to do my job. i am a certified nursing assistant, soi think I know what im doing. I just feel like im stuck here. i dont really talk to anyone  about how im feeling because i feel like im complaining about taking care of my mom.I feel lonely im stressed everything overwhelms me. I raised 6 kids and ran my household and this is so much harder. I dont know what to do. Its a chore just to take a shower some days. i judt need to get this off my chest. i cant afford my own place due to my limited hours and thinking i have to be here all the time, i feel i shouls get a second job to make up for my hrs,but ill feel like im not being here for my mom. I feel like my sister is laying a big guilt trip on me.Advice please.  


<p>Hi, do you have siblings? It's so painful when you see your loved one suffering and I can feel that. He is your brother and he need a family to take care of him and feel that someone's loving him. Try to reach out you closest relative just to release your pain inside.</p>

You're not alone in feeling

You're not alone in feeling this way. Caring for someone takes a lot of mental and physical energy, which makes it easier to forget to care for ourselves. Hearing from other people in similar situations helps with the mental aspect of it, but as far as physical care goes, I'd recommend looking up tips on how to avoid caregiver burnout and fatigue. There's a lot of information out there from other caregivers and professionals that can help you overcome feeling overly tired and mentally drained. 

You're working in a field most people wouldn't last a week in - so hang in there and know how much of a difference you're making in your brother's life. 

Joan Atlas
All Caregivers

To all of us who are caregivers to someone we love, it is very easy to feel burned out and guilty. We have devoted ourselves to the needs of someone else. At times, we are alone because there are a great many people who will not put themselves in this type of position. Some people are truly selfish, but we are not.

When we decide to make time for ourselves, we feel guilty. If you can, watch something that makes you laugh or feel silly even if it is a television show from your childhood. Sometimes we need to replenish ourselves. I find that when I do take time out for myself it isn't to do something for me; it really ends up being time to de-stress myself. I rush to do things for myself so that there is more time for my mom.

Yes, it is challenging; there are times when you are forced to try to use all means to get the person you are taking care of to be willing to help you in the process. There have been times when I have argued or nagged my mom about eating, bathing and everything else that goes along with providing her care. I try to remind myself that my mom sometimes can be in great pain or suffers from deep feelings of inadequacy. Not everyone can afford to have someone else take over and give them time away; I am one of those people. So it is definitely not easy and sometimes it isn't easy to find help within the family unit. This may not relate to all of you, but hopefully there is something I said that will be helpful to you.

I know how you are feeling,

I know how you are feeling, that's why I joined this group. I'm the primary caregiver for both my sister and my mom. It can be so exhausting but I've found yoga and self hypnosis to be the best thing I've found to help the stress. It gives me 5 minutes of my crazy day to feel relaxed and in tune with myself.