Over-caring and enabling

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Harmony
Over-caring and enabling

My Mum is over-caring for Dad. And enabling all the time. She does everything for him. He is in a care home, but she visits for EVERY meal. She does his shower, gets him up, puts him to bed. Even the care home staff say "she is here all the time". When she goes home, she is cooking meals to take to him, cleaning the house. She NEVER stops. She is making Dad so dependant on her. She is exhausted, but won't take time to rest. She says she hasn't got time. She won't come out to dinner with us, she won't even sit down for five minutes. We have tried talking to her, and helping her realise what she is doing but she still thinks she is doing the best for Dad. Help!!!! What do we do? she won't listen.

 

 

 

KarenS
KarenS's picture
Over-caring....

Not knowing all the circumstances it's hard to say, but she may be experiencing many feelings...  guilt...  a spouse's loss of doing the caregiving...  the want to be a good wife and do all she can.  It's extremely hard being a spouse feeling there is nothing you can do, so you try to do it all.  She may not be able to talk to family about her feelings, and might benefit speaking to a professional.  Getting herself rundown won't do any good to him if she gets ill herself. 

Here's a website and article on "When Caregivers Care Too Much.. 4 warning signs that caregiving is damaging you and your loved one".  It might not hit home on everything, but they also have a "Caregiving Wife's Handbook". 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-caregivers-handbook/201208/when-caregivers-care-too-much

Hope it helps some.