I have been a caregiver many times over the years. In October 2019, my then 90 year old Mother In Law was diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer. She came to live with us and stayed until she died in April, 2021 at age 92. We did chemo and radiation and ended with Hospice.
Now, moving into my current situation, I have my soon to be 87 year old mother with vascular dementia living with us. She has, over the past 6 years, been having seizures that have brought on different aspects of her dementia. She had about 3 years since her last major seizure but, 4 days after my mother-in-law passed away, Mom's seizures started up again. They were all small and didn't seem to change her much, but at the beginning of June, she had a major seizure that put her into the hospital for 4 days and a short-term rehab facility for another month. That most recent event has taken all of her short term memory capabilities away. She remembers nothing about the seizure, the hospital, the rehab, the safety instructions given countless times by her caretakers -- nothing stays for more than a few seconds. Now that she is here, she is BORED (more in a bit) and resentful because she just wants to go home. We did a home eval last week and, although it is a one story mid-century ranch (3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom), the house has poor access because of the topography of the land around it.
Mom is not eligible for Medicaid because her monthly income is just a hair over the limit. And, the bulk of her assets is in property that has been in the family for 80 years including her home, and the house my brother has lived in for over 30 years. I have an appointment with an elder care attorney at the end of August but realize the only options for her will be to remain here or to go into a nursing home that supports a general population. The specific Memory Care facilities in my area appear to be way out of our range financially.
I would like to hear from others who may have tackled the financial issues in creative ways. Or who have dealt with the burnout from days with only a few hours of sleep. I am reaching out about respite care, I am looking at VA Survivor programs. I would like to do Day Care but she has virtually NOTHING that interests her right now and has never been one to sit quietly and persue hobbies / passions. She has always been physically active but is limited by her current condition. She has never been overally social with people she doesn't know (wouldn't eat in the Dining Room at the Rehab Facility) and most of her long-time friends are dead.
I hope to connect with others in a similar situation to commiserate, rant, or cry about our caretaking duties.
KimH
(kghanelt@cox.net)