Dealing with an unco-operative spouse

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Confuzzled
Dealing with an unco-operative spouse

Hi. I have been with my fiance coming up on 5 years now. He proposed on our 2 year anniversary, and everything was fine. Within a few weeks of that night, he started having some urinary and balance problems. We started going to the doctor for testing, but over the next couple months it turned into drop attacks, (a type of mild seizure) drunken gait, worsening urinary problems, and slurred speech. He was injuring himself all the time. We convinced our Dr to order an MRI, which we had to drive for 14 hours to get to. A couple days after the MRI was finished, I checked him into the hospital, as we couldn't get the kind of tests I knew he needed in the small Northern city we live in. I spent probably $6000 on this trip and another a month later, which was everything we had saved plus credit. It turns out in the end to be Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. Over the next year, we had to move into my mother's basement due to financial problems. He quit work because it was simply too dangerous for him to be there. He can't qualify for provincial disablity, as aparently "I make too much money" which is incredibly difficult. Just before he got sick we had taken out a big loan for a car, figuring with the 2 of us working, we could afford it no problem. I make good wages, but not enough to deal with our past debts and multiple sclerosis. We turned to looking to natural medicine and dietary interventions to heal his body, which actually worked to a point, after a year of this, he decided to work again. He found a job that is easy enough on him, and things were fine. We had to leave my moms house as the basement had a severe mould problem, and we just couldn't live there anymore. We now have a small 1 bedroom apartment that his wages barely cover the rent. So it's been an awful few years, and I thought we had come to the end of the terrible years, and hopefully onto at least a couple of somewhat comfortable ones. My problem now though is trying to deal with his attitude. He's not in a wheelchair, nor does he need one yet at all, he uses a walker outside of the house because of his balance. He's capable of cooking himself suppers, getting himself water, taking his supplements, bathing, and brushing his teeth, but if I ask him to do any of those things, it turns into a big arguement. I think he would be happy to only shower once a week, and never ever brush his teeth. He's angry if I don't have everything prepped for his lunch and suppers. He gets cranky if I ask him to do his yoga. He also lies to me all the time about stupid little things. The other day he was home all day, I was at work for a 10 hr shift, I came home to find out he hadn't drank any water at all, not a sip, and when I was asking him why, he was acting like a defiant teenager about it. I just don't know what to do. We have so many collection agencies calling us, that I need to start working 12 hr shifts 7 days a week, but I can't even rely on him to drink a glass of water. When I'm home, it's nothing but a fight to take care of him, when I'm not home, he won't take care of himself. My sisters both moved away, my Mom is dealing with her husbands cancer, and all of his friends had moved away. I don't have anyone to help me, I can't afford to pay someone to help me. How do you guys deal with it when the person your caring for doesn't care about themselves. I know caregiving isn't easy, and I know down the road I will have a lot more duties and thing to deal with, but he's not at that point yet, and I don't understand why he is like this. I need to be able to focus on our financials right now and work to dig out of debt. Has anyone out there been through something like this?

I should also add, it is

I should also add, it is actually rare that I ask him to prepare his own food, as I usually just do large pot cooking, and eating leftovers and things like that. But it frusterates me that I get attitude for the rare occasion that I don't have time, or heaven forbid I am too sick to move or cook. The other thing I get frusterated with is that he refuses to research anything to do with his illness, or read any of the books I have bought him. He doesn't even know which foods he's allowed to eat, so there have been incidents of me buying food for myself that he's not supposed to be eating, and he eats them, then gets cranky with me for not putting a sign on it. To be honest I can't see myself staying with him for much longer. I told myself at the start of all of this that I wasn't going to be the person who abandons him because of his illness, but I don't know how much more I can take. I feel like it's not his disease making me want to leave, but his terrible attitude. Everything has stressed me to the point of having Heart palpitaions and high blood pressure at the age of 28, and in the last year I've clenched my teeth so much that I have destroyed them, and now need braces to correct them. My teeth used to be perfect, and my heart and blood pressure were always healthy, and we eat extremely healthy, so I know it's the stress. Does anyone have any advice?

Hi Confuzzled. Yes, he's

Hi Confuzzled. Yes, he's acting like a jerk. Sounds like either he's being defiant because maybe he feels you are treating him like a child, or maybe he's using this negative behavior to test your love for him. Either way, its not a healthy relationship, and if you decide to leave, then do it because of the unhealthy relationship.

Ineedhelp
MS sometimes results in mental illness

I am learning the hard way that MS can cause mental illness and not just the depression that comes from dealing with this awful disease. Lesions on the brain can cause numerous psychiatric conditions, including hallucinations, delusions, suicidal behavior, being overly sensitive and becoming more quick to anger. My girlfriend is going through this and we are having a very difficult time of it. This might have something to do with your fiance's behavior, or maybe not. It sounds like it would be difficult at best to get your fiance to consider this and seek medical assistance with it, but at this point what do you have to lose?