Hi everyone. I'm new here and in desperation for some advice.
Quick background - I live with one of my best friends in her house, We know that she has a neurological condition but it has been almost 7 years and no firm diagnosis and very rude and uncaring doctors imo. From all our research and speaking to medical professional friends, we both feel she has MS or ALS and if not something along those lines. It's obviously frustrating for her to have her whole life upended and not know for sure what the problem is. It's beyond difficult to watch my friend hurting and not be able to do anything. She has one of the sweetest hearts ever and I just want her to be happy. argh.
She has had mood swings before but never to this level and I'm a bit more concerned than normal. We butt heads sometimes strictly to personality differences, but she went OFF tonight.
........Over me clearly and calmly saying "ok, ill see you in a bit" and shutting my door. ( she was running an errand real quick and was starting to get amped up) Game on apparently! I "slammed the door in her face when she was trying to tell me something" and BOOM, it was a lot of very naughty words which lead to A ton of texts basically:
kicking me out,
our almost 15 year friendship is over,
I am ungrateful,
I take advantage of everything,
no one cares about her and no one will help her, etc....
All exaggerated and I obviously love her to death or I wouldn't be here at 1am pleading for help...we do a lot for each other but I didn't dare say that, I know better when she is in "ranting mode" I am the target no matter what. I'm in they way, I'm not helping, I'm ignoring her, I'm in her face, just... yeah.
Then it was "I have no one, I want to die." I know that is not in any way true, shes thrown that out before and I've never seen any reason that shes actually in that mindset. Trust me, I would be calling everyone and making moves if needed, I don't play with stuff like that but I don't feel its necessary at the moment. I'm certainly not dismissing it outright either though....
Like I said, some of that has happened before, she took it to a new level with kicking me out though and then went one higher when she came home, grabbed some food, clothes and our dog and bailed. I asked if she was taking the dog and she screamed the whole way out "what do you care? Shes not your dog. You're not my friend. *Lots of naughty words and one in particular she KNOWS i hate so that was on purpose* I don't ever want to see you again, get out of my house." *Slams door*
W.T.H do i do?
I feel like I shouldn't take most of that serious, but that was a new one. I don't care about moving, i have somewhere to go If I have to if that what she needs. I will be heartbroken if she really wants to end our friendship but again, if that her choice, I will tearfully accept it. I am more concerned about her health and mindset, at the moment and especially if I do move out. Will she thrive? will she go into a funk and then that statement does turn scary? how is she going to be able to do all the things I do around here? ahhhhh
So, I guess my question for the moment is- how do I handle this particular situation? I've been going with not engaging and trying to keep my voice neutral and quiet-ish (which is SO hard because I'm Italian ha) I feel like part of this is she is in Martyr mode and just wants me to kiss butt and say its all my fault and you were right... uhh, no. I empathize that a lot of this is not her fault and she has limited control over it, but theres a point.... right?
Like, Do I take her kicking me out seriously or wait and see how she is tomorrow or the next day? what is the best approach to get her to listen and realize she cant blame me for her ALL frustrations? I'm sure I contribute to some of them but I have tried and tried to have calm conversations about how to communicate better and make things run smoother and it backfires every time. She gets all pist and storms off and there is no accountability or apology on her part. Zero.
She just texted that they're sleeping in the car but at least she let me now shes safe. I had texted and said, "I love you and lets talk when things are calmer about if you really want me to move out or not. If so I will cry a lot but Ill start making arrangements. I wont text you anymore right now, we need some space obviously but pls just keep in touch."
To which she just went off and told me to get out again and that she would be at home if anyone gave a ---- about her wellbeing...
smh.... like i said, haaaaalp.
ty and sorry for the long post