Paying all the bills, but Father sends money to other children

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Kiki
Paying all the bills, but Father sends money to other children

First, I don't mean to complain. I'm just so very frustrated. I promised to care for my father. He has turned this into manipulation. I quit my job when he kept threatening to move "back home" after he & I moved into a house together. Friends no longer want to spend time with us because my father treats me so poorly - in words and actions. I pay all the bills -- withdrawing from my savings every month, and he sends my brother money every month for "looking after his other house." My brother cries his sob stories of poverty every day and my father buys into it. I wouldn't care, except I feel now just plain manipulated. With no job, and obviously no health insurance, I am going without necessary meds (diabetes and high blood pressure) while my father ignores my needs. (My brother and his wife are habitual drug users, fyi, so their claims of poverty are of their own doing). I am about one foot out the door because it is very difficult to be treated poorly, and expected to give so much to the person who has no respect for me. I'm rambling, I'm sorry. I'm afraid if I don't change something soon, I will lose myself completely. In the past when I've asked his doctor for a psych exam for my father, she flat out refused & observed his behavior is by choice, not by disability. I pray every day to find a way to understand how to continue in this situation. Any insights/advice/etc. would be greatly appreciated.

Kiki,

Kiki,
The first "caregiver commitment" is to put your oxygen mask on first. YOU need your meds to keep you well. Check out

http//:www.leezasplace.org/ten_comm.html

Set boundaries. If Dad cannot respect you, help him to move "back home." You did not mention what medical problem he has. Hopefully you could return to work.

If he collects Social Security, make a visit to your local office to see how you can become his representative payee. This is important if you feel he is not able to manage his money. Social Security is for HIS care, not his son's. You would be responsible for managing his Social Security money.

One last thought . . . Consider calling your state's senior & disabled services. Report your brother for financial abuse of your father, esp if you strongly feel Dad is not capable of handling his money. The call can be made anonymously. The investigators will not reveal who made the complaint.

Keep posting. This is a good place to safely vent.

Colette

Kiki,

Kiki,

You can also tell your state agency for senior abuse you feel Dad can no longer safely handle his finances. That takes the light off BRO & shines it on Dad. Talk to an attorney that is versed in elder law to be sure Dad has all his legal paperwork together. If it is deemed Dad is not fiscally responsible, push to be the one who handles Dad's finances.

Colette