Ranting

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S Lee
Ranting

Sorry to post this rant, but yesterday I almost had a break down so I have to at least type this somewhere, anywhere that people might see it.

When I was 15 my mother returned back to dialysis at the age of 57. Everything seemed okay at first but slowly she deteriorated from being able to walk and drive to barely walking properly at all.

Now at the age of 19, as of January 2014 I have officially ended my physical education, I have a diploma. I graduated within the top 3 in my class (while taking care of my mother) and everyone was shocked when I said I wasn't going abroad or to university to gain that degree. Classmates and teachers constantly saying I am wasting time by not doing so but I guess its my fault for not telling them the situation that I am in.

My parents divorced and I have a brother 6 and a half years older than me. You can probably guess where this is heading.

My brother stays in the same house as my mother and I, but he literally doesn't do anything for the family and has a really low paying job because he wants 'flexibility' and doesn't want to work so hard (he still gets an allowance from our mother). I find this really sad, he was never much of a real brother while growing up and I could have forgiven him for any wrong doings of the past if he had helped me now but I think when the passing of our mother occurs I no longer want to be his brother anymore.

I guess my frustration stems from my inability to do anything and myself. When people hear "Oh you are taking care of your mother?" it follows up with "Why don't you also get a real job?". It's painful to hear that but it also comes from my brother who probably is jealous of me, saying "All that you do all day long is stay in your room on your computer!". Totally ignoring the fact I do all the cooking, cleaning and sending our mother for regular renal dialysis. Well the real reason I am in my room is because I am crying, I am pissed at life and the situation I am in right now, and what I desperately wanted was a brother who would act like a real older brother and help me, not taunting me about every small imperfections that I do.

But still I ironically feel blessed, I am lucky this happened while I am still young but I will be sad when she passes because than I will truly be all alone. She is the only person who truly loved me unconditionally and when she goes I will be all alone.

Any other similar stories?

C Shell
S Lee, I read your post and

S Lee, I read your post and feel your pain.  Nobody responded to you from last August?  How is your mom and how are you?

C Shell
S Lee, I read your post and

S Lee, I read your post and feel for you.  How is your mom and how are you?